When It’s On Paper – living with ADHD

A new post of mine is coming soon (several actually) but for now I wanted to share this post which touched my heart to read it on Black Box Warnings.

I found myself sympathising with the writer – Rutabaga – whose son came so close to death within hours but somehow, miraculously, survived and is now nine years old. But he has ADHD and his teachers can’t handle it. The fight, for this mother, hasn’t stopped. As she writes:

“What was completely unexpected was the overwhelming amount of emotions that surfaced the evening after bringing home the written report.  I spent the entire night sobbing – not really knowing why, but sobbing none-the-less. I think I was angry.”

Although my Thing II never faced death like this, he did suffer with pretty traumatic ill health when he was just a baby. Wifey and I remember spending almost the entirety of our holiday in Tunisia in a private hospital with him after falling terribly ill and that was after several stays in hospitals in the UK before that. It was a horrible time.

Thing II, like his Dad, has ADHD and like Rutabaga we struggle with getting his school to understand his situation and how it presents. Inevitably, school reports produce the same range of emotion as she describes above. For these reasons and more, I found myself very touched by the story and I hope it touches you too.

Here’s the link:

When It’s On Paper | Black Box Warnings.

About D K Powell

British freelance journalist, author, writer, editor, musician, educational consultant. I lived with Wifey, Thing I (daughter) & Thing II (son) in Bangladesh for 5-6 years working for an NGO called LAMB. Wifey led the Hospital Rehab department and I used to teach O levels at the school before going full-time as a freelance writer in 2013. Now we're back in the UK learning how to be British again. When not writing or editing, I'm busy trying to complete a Masters degree in Intercultural relations in Asian Contexts and reading way too many books at once. I also drink tea - lots of it.
This entry was posted in Bangladesh and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to When It’s On Paper – living with ADHD

  1. Pingback: Homeschooling a girl: The Beginning | kenthinksaloud

  2. Pingback: Reflections on being a dog-owning writer: The first week | kenthinksaloud

  3. Pingback: Growing Friends | kenthinksaloud

  4. Pingback: It’s gonna be a busy week – guest posts about Sonali | kenthinksaloud

  5. http://newauthoronamazon.wordpress.com says:

    Hi Ken … the words ADHD drove me to open your blog. I really would like you to believe all I say even though I am a perfect stranger to you for truth is sometimes more stranger than fiction. I am an author of a book written through my 6th sense and children are who I am most kindly disposed to help for truly they come with no extra baggage and society tends to dump on them long and longer phrases which does nothing to lift up their soul but adds another burden to. Just because a boy does not like studying is no reason to classify him as ADHD. These are tags that wear a person’s psyche down … literally a judgement with a browbeating in tow … for the innocent child is not able to plead his case and fulfills a self-fulfilling prophesy by succumbing. Do not do that … instead go for the jugular by simply denying this ever exists. Proclaim the opposite … be kind .. show love … and watch it change itself around … for what you sow with your thoughts and words of goodness and grace … allowing a change as envisaged by you through your clarity of thought to begin to manifest itself into life .. reality. We are gods in our thinking … don’t ever let anyone take away this power of mind .. it is your only blessing from your creator … through it you may bless or you may curse. One of the curses .. when oft repeated in a child’s life ends up manifesting itself as such. Don’t ever repeat that mistake. Do read my blogs … I do God’s work through enlightening another’s mind by preventing it from being led astray. Any illness is always the result of a bad thought … a punishment is layman’s terms and its mostly the good who are affected for their goodness does not allow them to see the bad in things. They are more trusting but it is then too that God through the many who do his work will find you to set the record straight for your life. It comes to you as a blessing of your goodness. I am glad you do not underestimate yourself and align to goodness. It pays for itself in the long run. That belief too must be held in the mind to see its fruits. It is structured and works to a plan to change.

    Like

    • I’ve allowed this comment of yours on the blog because I have looked at your blog several times and know you to be a genunine and well-meaning person. However, I am afraid I can’t agree with most of the things you written and whilst I know you are well-meaning I would urge you to be very careful how you treat those who believe in the use of a label such as ADHD like myself. It is often when we intend well that we hurt the most and there are several things you say here that I know would offend and wound many I know if you wrote these things on their blogs or said it to their faces. I know that is not your intention – which is one of love – but I know firsthand how good intentions can hurt, wound and even kill.

      For my family, identifying my son and myself with ADHD ended misery and condemnation he had been suffering and I have suffered for years by those who would prefer to say it does not exist. It has nothing to do with him not liking studying – he does actually and I am a lifelong student. I study avidly thanks to my ADHD which is my friend and not my adversary. My son has been liberated from feeling he was stupid and useless now he understands he thinks differently to others and can use techniques to help him in a world that really is too slow for him. One of the most important things for me is to know that ADHD is a problem for the rest of the world – not for those who have it. My son knows only love and adoration – not condemnation from any label.

      Like

      • http://newauthoronamazon.wordpress.com says:

        I do apologize most profusely if I was too wordy … but my only desire was to help. When you are more relaxed pl do once again read what I wrote. I really do God’s work and if I found you … you can be sure that He wanted you to be given this knowledge We all share the same Mind of God … all the people who did not understand me at first have slowly come around. May God Bless you and your family. I do apologize once again.

        Like

        • No apology needed and there was nothing too wordy in your response – I’m a reasonably intelligent man and can cope! I don’t need to be more relaxed – far from it! Please try to realise though that lots of people have strong convictions of faith in a variety of philosophies and religions but none of us can be certain we know the truth beyond doubt and that means we need to be sensitive to the thoughts and beliefs of others. Do demand otherwise is to head down the road of fundamentalism…

          Like

          • http://newauthoronamazon.wordpress.com says:

            No dear Ken … since you have open mind let me tell you a little of how I began on this path. I grew up in a fundamental household and my religion zoroastrianism was important for me. However I also went to a convent school and I can sing hymns like the best christian. But though I was brought up to be tolerant I was fundamental in as much as it related to myself and my family. But God had other plans … He opened up my mind to come face to face with Him … not through a religion but His direct path .. the oneness of Him. And I took to it like a duck takes to water … for my inner basic goodness allowed me to see more goodness …. and what better way than by making me walk my talk. Go into the world .. see my all …. learn to find goodness in everything … and then I started writing poetry about the duality of man .. where there is God at one end of the spectrum and satan at the other … and God tried to show me how he must do the things in this world that he cannot do as God .. by bending himself … i.e. letting go of the idea of perfection and the way to kill anything especially the stuff you don’t like through love. That satan may also be won over by love is a difficult path to walk down … for he is a demon who has been bothering me for a while in my head and it takes a lot out of me to be strong enough to fight him the whole day long. Then I heard this absolutely awesome story of the Buddha. He says when someone tries to give you something (in this case let us assume it is something bad) .. call it a gift … you have free will … you may or may not accept it.
            So when you don’t accept it .. to whom does it belong .. to the giver … it does not belong to you .. and you want nothing more to do with it. Return your ADHD to the bad thought that it belongs to. Please please do try to understand the message as a blessing from God for all your goodness. If you need further clarifications I shall be happy to answer you always.
            You may simply begin this way … as you get up first thing in the morning … say a small prayer .. our father or a hail mary and then say this to yourself … I am grateful for all that I have .. I am grateful for the perfect health that I and my family enjoy … I am grateful to be able to do all the good work that I wish to do. Repeat this last thing at night. You may add anything else that you wish too .. but the trick is write it down on a piece of paper so that you are consistent in your requests. As because you are a spiritual being … you cannot but receive all that you ask for … do remember I asked you to believe in this before you begin. Its really so simple but then God’s ways are truly simple … as I have discovered for myself. I have even enjoyed these experiences for they brought me all I asked.

            Like

          • http://newauthoronamazon.wordpress.com says:

            I forgot to address this point you mentioned .. To demand otherwise is to head down the road of fundamentalism.
            First and foremost try and leave me out of the equation and picture yourself discussing this point with “knowledge”/ “God”himself … a one on one pure interaction sans any limitations placed on the mind.
            Fundamental is something that gives a meaning .. something important to the very existence of life .. the word has many connotations … and to be aligned to God’s ways without question does demand a fundamentalism of a sort … like being true to something you cannot see but would like to experience more and more in your life. I am merely trying to explain a point … not making any assumptions of you .. so if you feel there is something you want to correct in what I said … I shall humbly allow you to do so. .

            Like

          • This blog is not written for the purpose of discussing religion – deliberately to encourage readers from all walks of life and faith to feel comfortable with being here. That does not mean I don’t have any religious convictions of my own. I won’t enter into that now or here but I will say that I am very content with who I am, what I am and who I walk with day by day. So thank you for the advice but I shall respectfully decline – that doesn’t mean I am not grateful for your care and compassion for others though and I hope you take this in the spirit in which it is meant.

            We shall, at this point, agree to disagree on the nature or reality of ADHD and the nature of how God does or does not communicate with others. Whilst I agree with you to an extent about fundamentalist thinking in that I do believe it is possible to hold to strong, objective and firmly rooted beliefs (I have those myself), I don’t agree we have the right to push that on others. This is where good intentions become harmful. We might try to persuade others ‘in love’ but our words of kindness heap condemnation on them when they won’t agree with us. It is only a few steps further before we start to take actions ‘for the benefit of others’ and then only a step or two away before we see the carnage the Middle East and central Asia is facing. When we insist our way of seeing God is the only way and take that further than our personal belief system and turn it into a demand of others then I believe we cross the boundary into a dark and evil territory.

            I’m not accusing you of any of this, don’t mistake me here, but it is a danger that all of us who hold to any kind of belief system – including Atheism – need to be very aware of and keep ourselves in check accordingly. Anything else is arrogance and negates any message of preace and goodwill we would have wished to communicate.

            Like

          • http://newauthoronamazon.wordpress.com says:

            I would believe that I do not wish to take this conversation any further as I think you have not understood a word of what I meant for what you answered is the exact opposite of what I wrote. We tend to pay scant attention to others sometimes missing the gold as chaff. However we must live our lives the way we want .. and no well meaning person would want to interfere. Bye. Roda

            Like

          • Oh I understood.

            But agreed. This conversation is now at an end.

            Like

  6. Rinth says:

    Have you read “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close”?

    Like

    • No I haven’t – what’s it about?

      Like

      • Rinth says:

        It’s about this nine-year-old boy, I think he also has ADD/ADHD (I’ve not finished the book yet and where I am, they still haven’t explicitly stated his condition). I thought of him when I read the post you reblogged – there are similarities between the character and her son. He’s also more mature than others his age and talks like adults, knows a lot of stuff although he doesn’t really understand the stuff he knows. It’s a really interesting book… you should check it out if you find the time!

        Like

        • It sounds good and it certainly sounds like that character has ADHD! Is it in English or Swedish? I’m guessing English!

          Like

          • Rinth says:

            No, it’s in Swedish… that’s why it has an English title and that’s why I recommended it to you😛. Hahahah… sorry I couldn’t resist the urge for sarcasm! Yes, it’s in English😀.

            Like

  7. Thank you, Ken. Being in a foreign country with a seriously ill child sounds completely terrifying. It’s amazing what kind of strength we find deep within us when our children are in danger – and we learn with is really important and how it puts the rest of our lives into perspective. Thank you for your reading and again, I hope the path you take with your family brings you peace. It’s a twisty path, ain’t it though?

    Like

    • Thanks again Rutabaga – wonderful to hear from you, your comment was so very kind. I wish you and your family all the best as you continue your journey together. My hope for you is that, as time goes on, you can enjoy the adventure rather than suffer the dangers as you have in the past.🙂

      Like

Over to you! What do YOU think? Comment here...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s